I was coughing, spluttering. Salty seawater filled my mouth. I looked up and everywhere there were people swimming. There must have been thousands of people …a multitude of arms and legs kicking, all moving in one huge anti clockwise circle, the size of an athletic track. In the center was a small desert island with a few palm trees and a person who was throwing food to the swimmers.
What was going on? How had I got here?
I was quickly halted from my thoughts as a jolt of pain shot up my leg. Some guy aged about 50 had blindly kicked me as he swam by. I tried to call out but he didn’t seem to hear me.
I started to panic a little and tried to grab other people’s attention but everyone just kept on swimming, and I was blocking the way. Other people hit me and kicked me as they struggled to get around so I had to either swim with them or drown (…or so I thought at the time…)
So I started swimming along but was still looking around frantically for a face I might recognise. It was difficult as most people seemed to swim with their faces in the water. Eventually I saw a friend who was swimming close to me and asked him why we were here. He didn’t hear me amongst all the splashing and foaming water.
I pulled his arm. “What’s with all this swimming?” I shouted.
“What are you talking about?” he shouts back as if I’m crazy… “we’re swimming the circles and getting fed, this is what we do …why do you question it again my friend” he smiled…
This seemed familiar as if we’ve had this conversation a thousand times. I felt frustrated. Alone.
…there must be more to life…
But then out of the corner of my eye I saw someone waving. It was a lady in a boat and she was beckoning me to come over to her. But she was away from the other swimmers. A long way, and I felt a little scared. Maybe it was just safer to stick with the majority…
…but something inside urged me to swim across even though she was right outside the circle of swimmers, and a very long way from the island that fed people. So I took a deep breath and started swimming across the lanes of people.
It took a while to get across and felt like the bravest thing I’d ever done …but strangely it wasn’t that difficult. Once I’d made up my mind, swimmers seemed to slow down and speed up almost as if they were moving out of the way for me. 10 minutes later and I reached the lady.
She was sitting in a simple small wooden rowing boat smiling down at me. Her pale blue eyes seemed to sparkle like sunlight on the water and her long silver hair blew gently in the breeze. I was thinking that she must be about 60 …but somehow she seemed much older and wiser.
I grabbed the side of the boat and gathering my breath I asked “why did you wave to me?”.
“….because you were looking for answers.” she replied.
I was about to ask what her name was when I felt something cold and metallic beneath my hand. I looked down and saw 9 small silver letters attached to the side of the boat spelling out the name I-N-T-U-I-T-I-O-N
“Am I dreaming all this? All I can remember is suddenly having seawater in my mouth” I asked.
“This is not a dream, you’ve woken up.” the lady softly replied.
My head was now in a real spin. This didn’t feel real… I spluttered “but what about the others… why do they constantly just swim round and round in circles?”.
She leaned forward and whispered sadly, “Because this is all they know. They have been taught from a very early age that they must swim round the island to be fed.”
The thought of doing this forever somehow terrified me… “How do I escape? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life going around in circles.”
“Well you need to know clearly what you do want, not what you don’t want…” she replied with a smile.
I knew deep down what I really wanted. Life was about being free – experiencing things, exploring, growing, having fun, being happy …and sharing this with other people…
I thought about the poor exhausted people whose life revolved around an island (literally) …I told the lady “I want freedom”.
“Ok you need to picture it clearly in your mind in perfect detail.” she replied. “You must feel gratitude and happiness bursting from your heart as if you have this freedom now…and you must feel these emotions every day …then let your intention go and KNOW it will happen.”
“Along the way you may feel hunches or gut feelings prompting you to take certain actions. Listen to these feelings, they are my whispers in the wind to guide you. Understand this, take action and you’ll find your freedom…”
I listened to her words and imagined a beautiful sailing boat with sky blue coloured sails with a golden trim. The hull was a dark brown wood and in the corner, painted in small white letters, was the name …’Freedom’.
No sooner had I seen this when the wind picked up and salty water blew across my face. I blinked my eyes and when they opened Freedom was gone, along with the lady in the boat … and I was suddenly back swimming in circles, seawater choking in my mouth…
Every day for a week I thought about the silver haired lady and her words of wisdom. Every day I’d pictured the boat called Freedom, and every day I’d imagined how gloriously happy I’d be if I could see this boat in reality.
I needed to see this boat.
How could I live a life of mediocrity and boredom when I knew a better life existed? …A better life was actually possible …and I’d really believed it was, I was desperate to believe it was possible …but to be honest, I was now starting to have a few niggling doubts…
I’d seen no signs of success and it was frustrating – my friend just smiled as usual… in that ‘told you so’ kind of way. (Or maybe my friend just felt sorry for me for having these ‘far out’ beliefs that there could be more to life?)
Ever since I was a small child I remember being told that our life involved swimming around a huge island. We apparently had to do this to get fed. People wasted the best years of their lives going around in circles. Trapped to the system.
Trapped by their beliefs.
And even though I’d accepted this system as the only way of life up until recently – now it seemed crazy …or maybe I was going crazy? Sometimes it’s hard to keep believing…
The wind started to pick up a little and the waves got bigger making it harder to swim – but nobody seemed to notice. They just carried on their long monotonous circle – an infinite loop of broken dreams. But then I heard her voice in the wind… my intuition…
“You see your Freedom from afar and that is why it stays away. You must imagine yourself sailing your boat, feel the emotions as you look around …you must picture and feel Freedom from within.”
“You see your Freedom as a need. Therefore you stay in a emotional state of lack and Freedom will always be lacking, just out of your grasp. You must know your Freedom is already yours. You must feel the gratitude and joy as if you have Freedom now.”
“You see your Freedom every minute of your every waking hour. Your energy, your power that contains your dream must be released so its magic can work.”
“But if I let go of my dream aren’t I giving up?” I asked.
“When you release your dream you must already KNOW in your heart it will manifest …Then you must take action …your boat won’t float right up to you!”
I smiled, and asked “What action do I take?”
“listen to your intuition…” the words slowly faded as the wind dropped and the sea was calm again.
So I visualized being within my boat called Freedom…
…the sky blue sails flapped gently in the sea breeze. I was capturing the magic of the moment as I sat aboard looking out to the horizon. Gulls flew overhead mixing their song with the gentle splashing of the ocean. The sun was beginning to set and was casting it’s beautiful orange rays across the evening sky. Life was good…
…until choking seawater abruptly awakened me from my visualization/daydream. Yet regardless of the difficulties going on all around me in my current temporary reality, I persisted with this exercise every day. Then on the 7th day I remembered the lady telling me to release the power …so I imagined a ball of pure white energy that contained my passport to Freedom – and I let it shoot from the palm of my hand into the starlit sky (…and I’m sure a star twinkled just at that moment…)
And that was it – I heard nothing for months, no signals, no whispers in the wind…
…but I never stopped believing.
Then one sunny day I heard the whispers telling me to swim and follow the wind. I didn’t need to be told twice and started swimming, my guide – the wind and the waves. I swam until I could almost swim no more, and then in the distance I saw it –
A beautiful sailing boat with sky blue coloured sails with a golden trim. The hull was a dark brown wood and in the corner, painted in small white letters, was the name …’Freedom’.
It was getting late and the sun was setting on the horizon …casting it’s beautiful orange rays across the evening sky. I swam up to the boat and climbed aboard – exhausted but exhilarated.
My dream had come true, but now out of my comfort zone, I thought to myself “Where shall I go? What shall I do?”
I heard the sound of laughing behind me and turned round to see a beaming face with sparkling blue eyes. Intuition, the wisest friend you’ll ever meet.
“You can go anywhere, do anything”, she smiled.
“…you always could…”
– by Iain Legg
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† My Little Catholic Nook ツ 